The One Commandment

Now, I’m not a religious person, nor am I one who believes in a finite measure of morality, but I do believe that there is one guideline which, if followed correctly, would make the world a much better place.

Don’t Be a Douchebag.

That’s all. Seriously, think about it. All that stuff about  ”Thou shalt not kill” and other archaic guidelines of things we should already know is all covered in these four words (or five if you’re a nitpicker who counts contractions as two words).

Now if only I could get someone to engrave that into a stone tablet…

But you may be thinking, “How shall we employ this novel principle of ethics into our newly enlightened lives?” Simple: don’t do things that would make you look like a douchebag. A few examples:

• Cheat on your significant other? You’re a douchebag.
• Kill someone? You’re a douchebag.
• Do things with your best friend’s sister when he explicitly told you not to? You’re a douchebag.
• Kill a douchebag? Well… use your best judgment here.

The list can go on and on, but it’s pretty much self-explanatory. You probably know a few douchebags in your own life, and I’m self-assured you that you probably don’t want to be like that.

So, the next time you decide to do something out of the ordinary, think to yourself, “Will this make me a douchebag?”

Come, brothers and sisters, join me in my quest to dispel the world of douchebagery.